I May Seem….

Round The Circle Of Life Goes

Written on August 14, 2018

Round and round the circle of life goes

Around and around time goes by in one big circle

Nobody knows when it’ll stop,

From point A to point B

The circle of life goes

Never stopping for anything or anyone

Not taking time to pause and wait for me

Round and round the circle of life goes

Never stopping for a second

Nobody knows when it’ll stop

But they still try to make time pause just for a second

But time is ruthless

And unforgiving

Never stopping for anyone or anything

It’ll slip by like the wintery cold wind

Round and round the circle of life goes

Never stopping for anything or anyone

It can take life

And it can give life

But it’ll never cease to exist,

For time will continue to run around for eternity.

© 2018 Alexandra19

Can I Have Any Mercy

There’s a heart that cries out, 
It cries out for help where there is none,
This fragile life is falling apart,
Bit by bit
Until there’s nothing left,
Can I have any mercy….
And pity before my life ends,
Before I tear apart your life at it’s seams
Until there’s nothing left of you,
I’ll ruin your life
For you have ruined mine,
I’ll tear you apart right at the heart
At the mind and soul
Until you are just like me,
Withering in pain
Wanting to know when it will end,
How could people be so cruel to such a light-hearted person
And want to destroy her soul,
If I could….
I’d restart my life as someone else
In a much better world 
Without all the pain and misery

I’m Still Crazy

Written on August 7, 2018

9:31pm-9:45pm

You think I’m cured

Or at least not as crazy anymore,

Oh how you’re so wrong

Even after all these years

Even with all these medications

I’m still insane,

I still hear voices whispering in my ear

And see shadows lurking in the corner of my eyes

And on some days I still feel like skipping out on life

How I wish for this pain to end!

You think I’m cured

Or at least not as crazy anymore

I may seem good

And happy on the outside

But on the inside

I’m broken and hurting,

I’ve wanted to yell and scream out loud

But I know nobody will listen

So I keep my pain on the inside

And I suffer alone,

I’m not cured

I’ve lost my sanity many years ago

So to you who thinks they know me

How little they do,

For on the outside I seem fine

But on the inside I’m yearning for attention

And all you’ll do is turn a blind eye on my pleas

So when you ask me what’s wrong

I’ll just lie

You think I’m cured

Or at least not crazy anymore

Oh how I wish I could tell you were wrong.

Saving Her?

Written on January 6-7, 2017

(*)
The blood runs down her arms like water on rocks
She sees that there’s no hope left in her life
Because every day she’s belittled and abused
By those she thought she could call family
They tell her she’s wasn’t even supposed to be born
So here she is 16 years later, staring at the knife in her hand

She wanders why nobody bothered to take her hand
And bothered to take her past these raggedy rocks
She wishes she could have been born
Into a world where her very life
Was something special and appreciated by a family
Who didn’t have to use her and abused

Her. All she wanted was to be loved, but all she got was endless abuse
For within her world, all she saw was the back of her father’s hand
That smile she once held, no longer existed, she just wanted to a new family
In a place where she’s not surrounded by jagged rocks
There’s a moment in time where she thought about how her life
Was meant for something much more, she wishes she wasn’t born

She was trying to figure out why she was born,
She was tired of all of this relentless abuse
Was she just meant to live a life
Or was she meant to bare these scars on her hands
She thought about jumping out onto these rugged rocks
But she keep thinking about a life with a family

That she could have. A loving family
In which she was born
In, but these rugged rocks
Have kept her in this place of abuse
‘Please oh guardian angel, won’t you take my hand?
Take me away from this terrible life?’

She cries out. But this is the life
She was born in and the family
Who doesn’t care about the scars on her hands
Why couldn’t she have been born
In a place where there isn’t abuse
A place over these jagged rocks

She tried to take her life
Because of what her family
Has has put into her hands.

©2017 Alexandra19

This Imperfect Box

Written on May 1, 2018
11:06am-11:16am

(*)
I’ve tried to keep You contained in a perfect box
Without any dents or broken edges,
But You weren’t meant to be contained in this box of mine
You were sent to save me from the world’s perspectives
And what the world has molded me into,
You’ve came to take me out of this box
That I have created for myself,
The box that is dented and broken,
I’ve tried to keep my flaws and mistakes contained
But You said to me ‘Come to me with all of your flaws and mistakes,
For I will wipe them clean and you’ll start anew.’
I’ve tried to keep You contained in this perfect box
Without any dents or broken edges,
But You weren’t meant to be contained in any box
Because You’ve come to give me a fresh start
To wipe away all my sins and remove this box
That has kept me from seeing You for who You really are.

©2018 Alexandra19

Trust This Smile Not

Written on April 18, 2018
4:49pm-5:00pm

(*)
Trust this smile not,
Don’t let this smile fool you
Cause this appearance can be misleading
I’ve put on this mask way to many times to count,
And now I’m starting to believe in it,
But trust this smile not,
For behind this smile is a damaged soul
A soul whose light is fading away,
This smile you see now isn’t real
Because it doesn’t reach my heart,
Trust this smile not,
For appearances can be misleading
I’ve said ‘I’m ok….I’m not suffering….’ too many times
But none of it is the truth,
Cause i am suffering and I’m not ok,
Trust this smile not,
Don’t let this smile fool you
Behind this smile you’ll see a girl crying out for help
But none will come to sweep her off her feet
Trust this smile not,
This smile that you see now, is hiding a world of hurt and pain
But you’ll never be able to notice it,
Cause this smile that you see isn’t real,
But it’s convincing enough to reassure you everything is alright
Trust this smile not,
Because if you do, I’ll just lie about my pain
But I can’t lie to myself on how I really feel.

©2018 Alexandra19

The Lost Will Be Found….

Written on April 15, 2018
1:36pm-1:51pm

(*)
I believe….
I believe that there is still hope for the lost,
The lost will become found once again and
And that there’ll be a light to guide them through the dark
The dark will only last for a while and the sun will rise in the east,
Will rise in the east and we will find hope once more
Once more will You call out our names one by one,
By one person’s faith in humanity can we move mountains,
Mountains will try block our view from the light of the Lord’s grace,
Grace will be given to those who are lost and in need of help,
Help will come, but all you gotta do is wait and be still
Be still and know that there’s still hope for the lost
The lost will become found once again and I will not be held back
Held back from the truth that has been set before me,
Me, myself, will believe that You will rescue the lost
The lost will become found once again, for I believe
I believe that hope will raise up.

©2018 Alexandra19

As The Thunder Booms

Written on March 26, 2018
10:32am-10:44am

(*)
Thunder booms loudly
as the lightening cracks across the sky,
Rain pours down onto this cold world
Washing away the pain that I’ve been feeling
As the rain comes down,
I’ll finally be able to cry these tears of regret
And disappointment and shame,
For when it begins to rain
I’ll be able to show you how I truly feel
But every time you glance my way
I’ll hide these tears amongst the rain-droplets
Because I’m to ashamed to tell you that I’m afraid
Afraid that you’ll reject me if you truly knew,
Knew that I’m broken and bleeding out from this gunshot wound,
But as the thunder booms
And the lightening cracks across the sky
I’ll finally be able to show you how I truly feel,
But I’ll mask these tears with the raindrops that fall from the sky,
For I could never let you see how sad I feel am.

©2018 Alexandra19

How Can You Expect Me…

Written on March 23, 2018
11:42am-11:54am

(*)
You’re always judging me,
Criticizing what I do or say
So how can you expect me to stay
And lie about how everything’s alright?
I can no longer hold back these tears that I’ve been suppressing
When the sun goes down
I’ll take comfort in knowing that you can’t hear my screams,
For behind this closed door
Lies a dying soul
Whose ready to leave the pain behind
And is afraid to leave you as well,
But you’re always judging me
Twisting the truth in many ways
So how can you expect me to say
That everything is alright,
These tears that I’ve been holding back
I no longer can contain
So I cry the night away
And I’ve lost hope that our lives will ever be the same
Because you’re never there for me
When I look for you,
You’re not there,
So how can you expect me to stay,
And lie about how everything is alright?

©2018 Alexandra19

From Time to Time

Written on March 18, 2017

(*)
From time to time I let the world see
See these tears that I’ve kept hidden
But there was something that I didn’t foresee
Because my life was being rewritten,

I’ve tried to keep my cool, but I couldn’t keep it contain
From your sight, so I had to lie
About how I was going insane,
But I can no longer trust those who were to be my ally

I lied to you, so then you wouldn’t get hurt
I wanted to save you from the pain of grief
I didn’t mean to shatter your heart
But in the night, I’ll be like a thief

Who will steal your life away
As my life line wanes
I will start to decay,
But before I do, I’ll break these chains

That have kept me tied to this false reality
So for now, I’ll keep these tears hidden
So then I wouldn’t cause you agony
Of feeling of being grief-stricken,

But from time to time I will let the world see
See these tears that I’ve kept hidden
But there was something that I didn’t foresee
Because my life was being rewritten.

©2017 Alexandra19

Who Would Listen?

Written on March 18, 2017:
9:43am-9:56am

(*)
Lying, being deceitful
Not knowing what to do,
People yelling at me
Who am I?
Am I worthless?
Am I cold hearted?
Will I be able to speak
Speak out the truth
About how I feel?
Who would listen
Listen to this fading soul?
Would it matter
If I scream and cry
Begging someone to listen
Listen to this beating heart,
Won’t anyone help me
Before it’s to late
Too late to save me!

©2017 Alexandra19

Cutting

Written on December 29, 2017

(*)
Cutting
It’s been a temptation
For those who seek attention
Or who have no idea on how to channel their feelings,
Cutting
Who’d have guessed
I’d be tempted by it
I didn’t know how to
Express these swirling emotions
That were in my head,
Cutting
It hurts
When the demons
Tell you that you are worthless
And yet you believed in their lies
Even though it’s not true,
Cutting
It’s an addiction
Once you start, it’s hard to stop
But just know that you’re not alone
Cause I too have dealt with this temptation
And I have conquered it,
Cutting
Relieves the pain you have bottled up inside you
When no one else seems to understand,
But you don’t need to worry anymore
Cause He will save you from your suffering,
Cutting
It’s an addiction
But you can overcome it.

©2017 Alexandra19

I’ve Been Told…

Written on March 6, 2018 

(*)

I’ve been told that crying was unacceptable,
that showing any sort of emotion is wrong
So I built a wall within my mind
To keep these emotions from seeping out,
But this wall can’t prevent emotions from coming in
So if I start to cry, I make myself stop,
Because you’ve told me crying was unacceptable
You kept telling me that straighten up my act
To stop acting like a baby,
So now I don’t allow myself to cry in front of you or others
But I so desperately need to tell you how I’m feeling
But I act like nothing’s wrong
Cause you’ve told me that showing any sort of emotions is wrong
I can no longer contain these tears that flow from my eyes
But I wipe them away when you look my way,
For if you were to see this broken-hearted gal,
What would you think?
But instead I smile and say that I’m alright
Because crying is unacceptable and showing emotion is wrong.

©2018 Alexandra19

Losing Control

Written on March 6, 2017

(*)
Can’t hold it in any more
Gonna lose control
Who’s to blame
When the demon takes over me
I’m letting go of hope
Can’t think straight
My heart has been ripped out of my chest
By the words that you said to me
I’ve been given too many labels to count
I’m no longer defined as my own self
But as a mistake of my past
I can’t see part this storm of darkness
That hides the fact that I’m in loved
But who will save me from my nightmares
And take me away from this hellish place
Is my fate sealed to just be a loner
Or am I just set to be a failure?

©2017 Alexandra19

Your Fake Love

Written on August 9, 2016

When I met you, I thought I was in love
Boy did I screw things up
You said you loved me and wouldn’t hurt me again
Oh how I fell for those lies
Your dazzling blue eyes hid something much deeper
Something much darker and sinister
But I kept coming back for more
Your eyes were hypnotizing and full of false hope
You ensnared me in your web of trickery
But I couldn’t stay away
Oh how I wanted your love
But never found it
Where were you when I need you the most
You’d drink all night and beat on me all day
But I couldn’t stay away
Because you said you’re sorry
Said I didn’t mean to
It’d never happen again,
You kept me from seeing the truth
Kept pulling on my strings
How I fell for your deception
You hid behind this curtain of false hope
I couldn’t get away
I knew it was unsafe
But I kept coming back for more
You told these magnificent lies to keep me at bay
Little did I know you were cheating on me
All I ever wanted was to be loved and cared for
But all you ever wanted was my body
So why do I keep coming back to you
Others told me to get away before it was too late
But it was already too late to save me
My blood has been spilt on this ground
The police had to be called
Now your going to jail
They ask me on the way to the hospital
‘Madam, why didn’t you leave?’
I just stare up at the ceiling of the ambulance and say nothing
Wondering to myself
‘Why didn’t I leave the first time?
Was it because I actually loved you,
Or was it because I was scared to leave?’
But now you’re gone
And I’m left with these scars
And worse yet,
I’ll never be the same
I can never trust another man again
It’s hard to build a relationship
But some how deep inside
I still love you!!

(*)
This poem talks about any women/men who go through an abusive relationship, and can’t get out. This poem talks about how the guy/woman abuses their partner to the point where they are so controlling of the other person that the abused person can’t leave for fear of getting hurt even worse. But trust me when I say this: the abuse is never your fault, and there’s a way to get out of it. I personally was never in an abusive relationship but my mother was, for a while, until she kicked the guy out of our house. If you are being abused by your partner and can’t feel like you can go to anyone, you can always go to the police or you can email me at springbird21@gmail.com and I’ll contact you right back. Just tell me who you are and why you’re messaging me. So that way I’ll return you’re message right back.

©2016 Alexandra19

Behind This Smile

Written on February 5, 2017:
9:01am-9:11am

(*)
This smile that you see, isn’t real
For it’s the smile that you’re expecting to see
But not the one I truly mean
Behind this false smile, lies a stranger whose smile is lost,
For I’ve forgotten how to smile
This smile you see, doesn’t reach my heart
But only reaches the surface of my face
For behind this smile lies a stranger whose in pain
And aching for someone to notice that this smile isn’t real
But behind this smile lies silent tears
Tears that are only heard from closed doors
This smile that you see, isn’t real
For it’s the smile that you’re expecting to see,
Because I’ve forgotten how to smile and mean it.

©2018 Alexandra19

Never Knowing

Written on January 5, 2018
1:03pm-1:17pm

(*)
Never knowing,
Never fully understanding
why I have chosen to keep quiet,
why I pretend that everything is alright,
why I never let you see me cry
because behind this lie that I have built,
(this lie that shows you that I’m ok),
you will see a damaged girl that broken beyond repair,
you’ll never fully understand why I’ve kept my pain from you,
but if you were to listen in the dead of night,
you might hear my cries echoing from behind closed doors,
but I’ve created this lie so well,
that you wouldn’t even be able to notice
how broken and hurt I really am,
but in some ways, you’re the one who made me this way,
told me that I couldn’t cry a lot,
told me to stop acting like a baby,
but I’ll wouldn’t let you know how I truly felt,
for fear of your reaction,
never knowing,
never fully understanding
why I have chosen to kept quiet about my pain.

©Alexandra19

Today’s A Mess…But There’s Hope Tomorrow

Written on October 11, 2017

(*)

My life was in ruins
and my heart in shambles,
what’s left of my sanity has been shredded into pieces
I cried out for someone to notice the hurt that I’ve been feeling
but they all pass me by
like a stranger on the street,
I begin to wonder if my life has any meaning?
Who will see these tears that I cry
or see that I’m losing hope in mankind,
When I disappear from your sight
will you notice,
or will you continue on with your life?
My life was in ruins
and my heart shambles
but somehow I managed to make it through until the next day
where the light at the end of tunnel started to appear,
Even though today’s a mess
and it seems like there’s no hope,
I will always remember that:
no matter how tough life gets today,
there will always be hope waiting for me
when the sun starts to rise again the next day.

To Anyone Who Calls Me Friend

Written on March 22, 2017

(*)
To anyone who calls me friend
There’s something you ought to know
My life was coming to a bitter end
I was on death row

Wasting away in my dark cell
My faith has gone away with the light
I was told not to dwell
On what lies here in the night

I was ready to give it all away
Until I heard a whisper in my ear
‘Everything’s going to be okay,
You no longer have to repeat this year

Because I’ll become your hope
So grab ahold of my hand,
And I’ll pull on this rope
So you can find solid land.’

I peer through the cell walls
And I see your face
So I take a stand and these walls
Become small and I can see a place

Where I can step out into the fresh air
And I feel myself crying with joy
Who’d ever thought that anyone would care
And repair a life that was destroyed

To anyone who calls me friend
There’s something you ought to know
My life is on the mend
Due to a simple hello.

©2017 Alexandra19

Silently Wishing

Written on: October 25, 2017
(*)

Tears are streaming,
falling down her face,
her mouth opens
but no sound comes out,
She silently wishes
for you to listen
for you to understand
that she meant no harm,
But the damage is done
No turning back
no undoing those words
that were said,
She wants you to know
that she is sorry,
but she just can’t say it
for the fear of your reaction,
But she wishes
you’d listen
to those silent words
those words that will never be said,
But she wishes you might see
she really cares,
that she’d never leave you
or how much she loves you,
But from her view
she sees that you are hurting
and you only seemed to be wanting a new life,
so she reaches for your arms for one last time,
but they are not there when she reaches for them,
tears are streaming
falling down her face,
she wishes for you to listen,
for you to understand
but now she knows that you won’t
so she says goodbye
then slowly walks into the lurking darkness
where she’ll wait
for the day when you’ll take notice
of the tears and words that are never said.

©2017 Alexandra19

Addiction

Written on May 25, 2016

(*)
Addiction, it’s a demon that takes control of you
Once you start, it’ll never let you go
You’ll become ensnared in it’s web of lies
With no where to go but downwards
This demon makes it hard for you to stop
It tells you many lies and manipulates the truth
That everybody tell you
Once you start, it’s harder to stop
Even when you want to
This demon tells you are worthless
That no body cares that you are suffering
But in reality they do,
This demon tugs at you mind
And isolates you from the rest of the world
You start to believe in the demon
When it’s lies starts to sound believable
So you allow the demon to take control
And you are wanting more and more
Of what ever you find closet and accessible,
When others tell you that you have an addiction
You shrug your shoulders and give them the bird,
You’ve allowed this demon to take over your life
And now your spiraling out of control
Down a path you never thought you’d up end at
Now you’re laying there in the cold and darkness
Wondering where things went wrong
And why nobody is hanging around you
You’ve allowed this demon to take control
Allowed it to tell you many lies
Now you here, all alone
Wondering if anyone still cares
Don’t lose hope when all seem lost
For you have a Mighty God
Who is still looking out for you
Grab His hand that He is stretching out towards you
And He’ll pull you out from this darkness of despair
This demon that has taken over your life
Will be vanquished by His mighty word
So whenever you start to believe in this demon’s lies
And find yourself pushing others away
Just know you are not alone
Addiction it consumes tons of people every day
Don’t fall into the demon’s web of lies
There is hope for you yet
Just give Him a chance
And He’ll save you from wanting more and more
Of those nasty accessible things.

©2017 Alexandra19

When

Written on October 8, 2012

(*)
“When?” Is all I can say to you now.
When in a million years,
Would I try to hurt you?
When in my life time,
Would I truly hate you?
For “When?” is all I can say to you now.
When will I stop trying,
To say I’m sorry?
When will I stop giving you,
My everlasting love?
When will I stop,
Feeling guilty for hurting you?
“When?” Is all I can say to you now.
When will I stop trying to,
Let you see that I truly care?
When will it be,
When I can feel at ease,
When you finally see the light me?
When will the time go by,
Before we stop butting heads?
When will you see that,
I truly didn’t mean any harm?
“When?” Is all I can say to you now.

(*)
This poem was written to my mom telling her how I would never hurt her again after what I did the previous year before. I ask her ‘When’ will I ever stop trying to win back her love and affection. The previous year I had hurt her real badly and our relationship has changed and has never been the same since then. I ask her ‘When’ will I ever stop saying I’m sorry for hurting her.

©2017 Alexandra19

The Whispers Begin

Written on December 15, 2016

(*)
Midnight, and the whispers begin
As I lie in the cold darkness
Their words play over and over
Inside my head
Whose to blame for what happens next
When I decide to go on a killer spree
It’s midnight, and the whispers begin
Their blood stains the glitter white snow
Their words will no longer matter
But I stand here in the darkness
Holding this broken blade
And hearing their voices in my head
I never thought dead people could speak
It’s midnight, and the whispers begin
I’m drowning in my tears
As dawn approaches
I’ll never be able to forget their words
But it’s midnight and the whispers begin
As the snow starts to fall
I too will stain the snow red.

©2017 Alexandra19

I’ve Overcome..,

Written on September 19, 2016

(*)
I am not perfect
I may not be the best of the best,
But I am a survivor
I have fought through the battles
I’ve overcome the hardships that come into my life,
I have something worth fighting for
Something to risk my life for
And he is my little brother Jadyn,
I am racing towards the break of dawn
Where the light shines the brightest,
I have a God who knows me by name
And has never left my side since the day I was born
I am no longer a slave to fear
But a co-heir to Christ
He has died so my sins could be forgiven,
I may seem distant and weird
But I am just different and unique,
And when it comes to forgiving others
I am ready to forgive those who have hurt me
It makes it easier for me to move forward with my life,
I no longer want to be dragged down by past sins and hardships
So I put my best foot forward
And wake up each day with thanksgiving to God
Because I am right where I need to be
And I am no longer where I used to be,
I am not perfect
I may not be the best of the best,
But I am a survivor
Because I have fought the battles
To get where I’m at now.

©2017 Alexandra19

Fear Of The Unknown

Written on January 4, 2015

(*)
Tension is high,
Feelings are hurt,

Words are said that weren’t meant to be,
Trust is broken,
Relationships are lost,
Nothing is right and it’s all my fault,

Because of one slip up,
And everything went falling downhill,

I screwed up so now I’m broken,
Lost, confused and wondering,
Why did this have to happen to me,

Is anyone out there,
To hear me plead for this to stop,
But I feel as though I’m falling down a deep hole,
That only gets deeper as I try to escape,

But somewhere in this darkest hole I see faint light,
That peaks out between the cracks in the wall,
I tread towards it,

Wanting a way out of this darkness,
Then I hear a voice,
That says “Come, let me heal you.
Let me bring you out of this darkness.”

I want to follow Him, but some things hold me back:
The fear of accepting the unknown,

The fear of making a mistake and failing,
Of making the lost relationships become unreachable,
Making the broken trust become shattered,
And become unrepairable,

Never being accepted as who I really am,
Always having to wear a mask and hide,
Hide my true self.

But can you show me the way out of this impending darkness,
Or will I be lost to despair forever?

(*)
This poem is talking about how I fear the unknown; the unknown of what’s to happen in the future. I feel like I’ve screwed up with the relationships that I have had, by the things I did or said. But I know that’s not true, because there’s a God who shines His light through the darkness and He extends His hands towards me, telling me that everything will be alright. He tells me that I don’t have to worry about the unknown because He has it all under control. 

©2017 Alexandra19

Who Am I Really?

Written on May 31, 2014

(*)
Pieces of my heart are missing,
My mind is engulfed in smoke,
Can’t think straight,
I’m screaming out for help,
For help that I know won’t come.
My heart is aching for someone to love me
To love me for who I really am.
But every day I put on this mask
And build this wall inside my mind,
So than no one can see who I really am.
Is there anyone out there
Who cares enough to get close to me
To see who I really am?
I really am this sweetest person you’ll ever know
But I put on this mask because
Because I’ve been told many hurtful things,
I’ve been told I’m not supposed to be like this,
So I pretend so no one will know,
Will know who I really am.

(*)

This poem talks about how I put on a fake mask whenever I’m around other people. I’m wishing for someone to notice and love me for who I really am. I wonder if there’s anyone out there who’ll take the time to really get to know the real me? I’ve been told many times before that being my true self is wrong, so I put on this fake mask so then no one will ever know who I really am.

©2017 Alexandra19

What’s Left

Written on January 4, 2015

(*)
Here I lie in a broken world that can’t be put back together
What a mess I created
What’s left is a fading memory
Of a once strong and mighty girl

She’s left to defend what little strength she has left
To keep hold of what little sanity she has
Some say ‘Words mean nothing.’

‘Words are just words.’
But oh how they are wrong
Words sting like a blade cut across the skin

They’re like a slap to the face
You can never ever forget what a person said to you
I’m left dying from this gaping hole in my heart
That no one can repair now
My mind is far too dangerous to unlock

I can’t speak for fear of the trouble that’ll unfold onto me
Wish for something better than right now

How can I change when everyone is against me
How can I speak without being judged?

How do I show I truly care?
They are leading me to my impending doom
Where I’ll surely die before my time is supposed to end
It doesn’t really look like any other option,

But there’s something better to do with my life than that
But in the grim of time my options don’t look so great
Most of the time wishing for a way out

But no one will help, they are only dragging me down
I wanna be strong, wanna be brave
But I’m shot down for speaking out
Shot down for standing out
No one gives a damn for me anymore

They think they know what’s best
But do they really?
They say I don’t care
But they don’t know me
Would they be better off without me here

I’m starting to think so
My time here may end before it’s supposed to end
I’m driving towards the brink of insanity
Of losing my mind

(If I haven’t already, it may be too late)
So at least let me say my goodbyes
Let everyone hear the last cries of the soul they tore down

Let them remember how they were the ones
Who caused her to leave.
If they can go on without me here,
Then I’m sorry I wasted my breathe all these years.

(*)

This poem talks about how I am left to mend my broken heart. I have been hurt by the hurtful words that other people kept telling me. Then the saying ‘words are just words, they can’t hurt you,’ well that’s not true at all. Once you say something spiteful to someone else that person will never forget what you said to them and how it made them feel. It’s hard for me to change my ways when there’s people who are always against me. How can I show them that I care about other people when they’re the ones who are bringing me down.

©2017 Alexandra19

I’m Being Forgotten

Written on August 19, 2017

(*)
Alone, sad, gloomy
Once loved but not anymore
Seen but not heard
Heard but not seen
I’m being Forgotten,

*
Withholding, left out, cast aside
Once mighty and strong
Cursed and swore
Sought revenge
I’m being Forgotten,

*
Me, myself, and I
All once loved
We cried night and day
But no one cared
I’m being Forgotten,

*
You, yourself
Could hardly imagine
The turmoil within
This dying soul
I’m being Forgotten,

*
I’m left here
I’ve been forgotten
In this isolated place
In the depth of my mind
I’m being Forgotten,

*
My Savior, my God
Can you hear my cries?
You’re so out of reach
I’ve slipped out of your hand,
I’m being Forgotten,

*
Where were you?
When I fell into darkness
You have drifted away
From my sight, now I’m crying
Because I’m being Forgotten.

©2017 Alexandra19

In Just Six Seconds

Written on May 21, 2017

(*)
In just six days God created heaven and the earth
And on the sixth day He created man out of the ground
Then out of the man He created a woman for man’s company
He told them they could eat from any tree except the middle one
But then there was a serpent who deceived Eve
Told her that she wouldn’t die but her eyes would be opened
So in those six seconds, humanity’s fate was ruined
In just six seconds she too deceived her husband
And his soul also died and his eyes were opened
In six days God created man to be in His image
To be full of goodness and kindness,
But in just six seconds everything fell apart
When Eve ate from the forbidden tree
So now six thousand years later humanity is still suffering
From the actions of Adam and Eve’s actions
In just six seconds everyone’s fate was doomed
From the price of two people faults
But then He came down to earth
And when His time came,
He died on that cross for our forefathers mistakes,
In just six days God created heaven and the earth
But in six seconds everything fell apart.

©2017 Alexandra19

In This World Of Mine

Written on April 13, 2017

(*)
In this world of mine
My screams go unnoticed
When everything seemed so fine,
But now I’m at the point where my heart has been broken

When the sun goes down
These fears of mine begin to rise
I feel like crying, but I feel like I’m about to drown
In these wasted goodbyes,

I just want to hide away
Because in my sorrows I’d rather wear a disguise
Than be betrayed
Because these fears of mine have begun to rise,

When the battle begins
And their swords are being drawn
Something begins to ache from within
Who can I depend on,

When all falls apart?
Who will mend this broken soul,
When my sanity falls apart?
My life line is being sucked into a black hole,

When will my savior come around?
This fighting has been going on without any end in sight,
I feel like I’m about to drown
Their battle cries cause me to take flight

And the clashing of their swords echo in my ears
The years go by but the only thing
That is shed is tears
They have left me to cling

Onto my life. When will my savior come?
My mind can’t comprehend why there must be war,
Am I just bound to become part of the slums?
Will my savior come and take me so far

Away from this battle ground?
Blood has been spilt from their hands
And they’ve inflicted too many wounds
Because all they wanted was to have some sort of command,

But there came no such thing, but what little hope remains
I’d like to make it last, but what happened to the mighty calvary?
When their horses come charging past like a speeding train,
What’s left in their wake is a family in agony,

In this world of mine
My screams go unnoticed
When everything seemed so fine,
But now I’m at the point where my heart has been broken

Where is my savior?
Has she left me to defend myself against their mighty army?
I feel like I’m just a failure
Because I have become lost on this journey

That was not meant to be, but am I to suffer at their hands,
Or am I bound to just become part of the damn?

©2017 Alexandra19

Demons, They’re Out There

Written on August 14, 2015

(*)
Demons, they’re out there,
Waiting to strike out in the dark,
When I lay in my bed,
I can sense them,
Their voices make their way
Into my already troubled mind,
Their thoughts become my thoughts,
Making me wonder,
Does anyone else hear them?

Darkness consumes my mind,
I’m falling into a deep abyss,
Where there’s no escape,
My dreams become nightmares,
My eyes are blurred with these tears of defeat,
Demons, they’re out there,
Can’t you sense them?

They love to pull at my heart,
They’re tearing it apart,
Their voices screaming into my ear,
Making me doubt myself,
I fear the never ending darkness,
When darkness comes, it brings along something else,
Something that is waiting to strike out in the moonlight.

Demons, they are out there,
Waiting to strike in the dark,
I can sense them,
So why can’t you,
I’ve screamed for you to help me,
But you just looked away,
You let them snatch me away in the dark.

Do you not care anymore,
Where is the light when all goes dark,
I’m suffocating on my fear of them,
Demons, they are out there,
They’ve gotten a hold of me now,
Whenever I lay in bed, they are with me,
They are out there, waiting to strike at those who oppose.

Demons, they’re out there,
Be on guard for them,
For when the sun goes down,
It’s time for the demons to play,
To come out and strike,
Strike out in the never ending darkness,
Demons, they’re out there…..

(*)

This poem talks about the fears that swarm in my head. It tells how I dread the night, because it feels like there’s something that is waiting to strike out in the dark. I’ve gone insane, wanting someone to notice me struggling with the darkness that overwhelms my mind. I am wanting to know if anyone else can see the demons that circle around me and cause me pain and agony? Demons they are out there, so you better watch out, for if you don’t, you too will be ensnared by them.

©2017 Alexandra19

I’m No Screwup

Written on September 26, 2016

(*)
As summer comes to an end
Autumn draws nearer and nearer
I wake up today with breath in my body
My heart beats it’s beat in my chest,
And I lift my head towards the open blue sky
I cry out to God praising His name
Thanking Him for allowing me live another day
I bow my head low
Knowing that I’ve screwed up and I’m filled with many flaws
But He looked down and said to me ‘My child, your sins have been forgiven
Take this hand of mine and I shall lift you above this abyss
Of despair and hopelessness.
I’ll never forsake you or leave your side.
So have hope and don’t fall into despair.’
As the days go by
From summer to fall
Fall to winter
Where the days grow colder and longer
And the earth is covered in white
I’ll wake up each day
With breath in my body
And a beating heart
I’ve screwed up too many times to count
But I am not a failure or a mistake
For I am a child of God and He calls me His own.

Copyright ©2017 Alexandra19